I want to report that "Mr. Thief" pleaded guilty today to "unlawful entry" at 4:30 AM one early morning in December into a house the Meehan family has been renovating in the Mt. Vernon Square area . He and an accomplice were placing our expensive carpenter tools in a bag when the police dogs found Mr. Thief hiding - his accomplice managed to get away.

I listened to Mr. Thief's lawyer as he explained to the judge that Mr.Thief, who lives about one block away, was simply looking for a warm place to stay when the police dogs found him. (I was, of course, checking to see how long the lawyer's nose was going to expand as he portrayed Mr. Thief as just in need of a little nap.) In fact, Mr. Thief was burgling an inhabited house; our carpenter crew was saving money and time by spending the night there. They called us to report that burglars were in the house; we reported it immediately to the MPD and drove over in three minutes to see what would happen.

Mr. Thief's lawyer never explained why or how it was that in search of warmth and safety in the pitch-black night, Mr. Thief chose to climb a 25 foot scaffold and break into our house. Wouldn't his home, one block away, have been a safer and more comfortable choice? He certainly didn't find a good place to try out in terms of warmth, as our building has no central heat yet; the plumbing work is still in progress. So there must have been another reason...

Maybe it was athletic record-seeking. Given that it was pitch black and that his own lawyer admitted that Mr. Thief was flying high on PCP while breaking in, it seemed to Mme. Magpie that the courtroom had just heard about a true athletic feat. How exciting! Surely the lawyer should have called one or more of our local sports TV channels to brag about this Olympic-quality climbing and entering event that had occurred. Perhaps his lawyer should submit this effort to the Guinness Book of Records for consideration! Let's Call it the Tallest Climb to Break and Enter while Totally Smashed on PCP. That might be a whole new category for future consideration by Mr. Thief, to occur at sites yet to be chosen other sites in the neighborhood.

Mr. Thief's lawyer also deserves recognition as someone who fully grasps the distinction between truthfulness and honesty, and consistently goes for the former, not the latter, provided he is shielded from legal repercussions. Not much shame there!

It seems that Mr. Thief has a honking-big local record of misdemeanors (breaks-ins, thievery and some more robust crimes as well - at least one felony) . As this record extends back for several decades according to the judge, maybe he has been in training for a good while. He should be getting pretty ripped and fit by now, especially considering that PCP can give its users strength much greater than a user would otherwise have. Maybe that's why climbing straight up 25 feet of scaffolding and then breaking a window and entering even though people were sleeping in the building were so easy and natural for him. Mr. Thief's lawyer did not mention that achievement. Nor did his lawyer mention even a single word about the swag bag he left, filled with stolen tools; do you suppose they were to used as a pillow? Too big and too bulky to take the place of a feather pillow, but excellent for adding more swash and buckle to his Guinness-level feat.

His lawyer did mention that he had been drug-free since February. It sounded pretty grand - three whole weeks! As Mme. Magpie served for 15 years a this city's Patient Advocate for all persons in substance abuse treatment, I was pleased – but not exactly thrilled. Knowing he had a court case coming up and that what his urine test showed would affect the judge's ruling could only have a beneficial, if temporary, effect on his potential for long-term sobriety.

But it doesn't seem that he's going to be away from the neighborhood long enough to make much of a dent in his habit. At least that is my professional experience. A more heavy-duty sentence, rather longer than those so often handed out to traffic-ticket offenders, would be more likely to bring about a conversion to sobriety. But we can all hope, can't we?! And shouldn't we, because he's going to be right back among us before the first forsythia bush blooms.

Let the neighborhood be warned, (if his history is news to you), that Mr. Thief's display of strength, pilferage and thievery can commence once again only thirty days from today. We should expect to learn of other attempts and successes when Mr. Thief gets out in thirty days, for that is all the time that he was sentenced to. He will not be allowed to enter our property at all, so he is likely to visit other neighborhood houses in search of a nearby, close-in, warm place to snuggle in, as his lawyer painted it - or to rob and loot, as this neighbor had the bad luck to underwrite. We are likely to see a lot of Mr. Thief, even before the weather gets spring-like. Do get ready. After all, justice seems to have gotten lost today. Or forgotten.