Wednesday, November 11, 2009

DUPONT CIRCLE CAT BURGLAR CAUGHT - AT LAST!

BREAKING NEWS! Mme. Magpie could not have been happier. At the Dupont Circle ANC Meeting tonight, the MPD announced that they had FINALLY caught the notorious Dupont Circle cat burglar, and that he was confessing his crimes with great relish!

After he had been arrested, he was driven around town and amused himself by picking out home after home into which he had broken. The MPD seemed somewhat stunned with the breathtaking number and variety of his chimney-top entry methodology, but were definitely taking notes.

Mme. Magpie recalls his antics with a certain 'je ne sais quoi", because her nest had been a possible break-in site not long ago. One 4:00 am, she heard a strange noise, and asked her hubby if he had also heard it. When he said yes, she got up to investigate. Lo! and Behold! When she carefully and slowly opened her interior front hall door, she found that it was entirely filled with blue-uniformed MPD officers. She was appalled, of course – because she had on her second-best nightie rather than her Gloria Swanson, Marilyn Monroe special. The shmata didn't even come with a bathrobe, much less any sequins or rhinestones to set off Mme. Magpie's pure white hair! She complained to the Police Powers that be, and they just laughed at her.

It seems that Mme. Magpie's tenant had heard a sound on the roof and called in the MPD, which VERY much wanted to catch said burglar. The tenant didn't call Mme. Magpie, as it was, after all, 4:00 am. So it was quite a shock for Mme. Magpie to find her very own front hall had ben taken over by the MPD hoping that this call was going to be the magic, winning bell. Unfortunately, the sound most probably came from an overachieving raccoon who had been spotted, in a previous incident, shinnying down her rain spout. Such nerve!

This time, Good Karma has prevailed, and the Cat Burglar of Dupont Circle has finally been apprehended. To put it gently, the MPD is breathing a collective sigh of relief; after all a half a year without a Victory was serious bad, not only on the MPD's overtime budget, but on its morale – to say nothing of the morale of Dupont Circlers who came home to find their ceiling stomped in or the skylight open and the little goodies that make life worthwhile all gone. . .

Happy days are here again, folks! Mme. Magpie is imagining a brass band marching this way in celebration, but will settle for the drummers of Dupont Circle. Having solved this problem, let's bring on something much harder – how to find some good mayoral candidates, or maybe how to get voting rights in Congress. Anything seems possible on a day when the Cat Burglar of Dupont Circle is finally down to his last life, which she trusts will be well-spent in a permanent suite in the slammer! .

2 comments:

  1. I understand that it was a trying situation but you really should be thanking your lucky stars that it was the police and not someone else. I woke up to a burglar in my bedroom and a flashlight in my face and had to wait at least 10 minutes (an eternity in the middle of a crisis situation) for the police to make it in.

    I would have gladly paid the police department to have had your outcome, rather than complained to them, particularly because they entered not only with permission but because they'd been asked to enter by a legal occupant of the house. No different if you'd called the police and your tenant woke up when they'd arrived.

    As it stands, my guy is still at large and I haven't slept with the lights off (and that's when I sleep, which is not so frequently) in three months.

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  2. Not to worry! I wasn't making a complaint to the police for them being there - I was teasing them, and we all laughed about it. Believe me, once I got over my shock, I was delighted to see them. And I told our tenants to feel free to give us a call, even at 4:00 am, if they spot or hear something that doesn't seem right. As I have serious insomnia, and am regularly up at 4:00 am, I, too, keep my eye out for any activity I may spot on the street. (My computer room is basement level, but something heard at that hour would get my attention.) Mme. Magpie

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